top ten things you don't want to hear in a music store

ten things every adult should know

fucking cunts' ten things every adult should know.

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  1. don't you dare use the word 'party' as a verb in this shop!
  2. he was sucking his trousers, and laughing!
  3. there he is. half iago. half fu manchu. all bastard.
  4. which one of you bitches wants to dance?
  5. don't make me laugh... bitterly. fran will fail, you will toil your life away and i will die alone upside down in a pub toilet.
  6. oh thank god. i thought you had a disease! oh, this is a child!
  7. lovely to see you. mwah! mwah!

  8. i thought you were gay, for a bit. then i found out about the prohibitive standards of hygeine. and all that dancing!

  9. oh, listen to you! you're becoming one of them! you're going over to the other side, to the land of sandals, spoon-benders, and yoghurt-fanciers. where everyone farts all the time because they don't know how to laugh.

  10. i don't mean this in a bad way but genetically you are...a cul-de-sac.

  11. hey, genghis!

  12. i was an incredibly good friend to him. and, even though, even though i fancied his girlfriend, i did not make a pass at her. well, once. twice. a few times. but not after I realised just how angry it made him. well, once, but only because...

  13. christ! customers! why didn't you lock the door?!

  14. i'm about to stop playing 'who should i kill first?' in my head and just go with what feels natural. i'll start with me, then it's you.

  15. what time is it? half ten? half ten? i've never been up at half ten! what happens?

  16. look at that face! i bet his corn flakes tried to climb out of the bowl!

  17. you're supposed to stick to the floor over there. i like it like that. stops children running around.

  18. once i dislodge and return your thong, i never want to see you again either.

  19. you're my oldest friend. anyway, you look like you just fell out of a tree.

  20. he looks like a horse in a man costume.


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